Paper

In one of my classes I was asked to fill out an introduction paper. I wanted to save this, for posterity.



Discuss some of the important events in your lift that you think has had a major impact on shaping you into the person you are today
What I feel has played the biggest part in who I am currently was when I was rendered homeless just over two years ago. It gave me a great perspective on poverty and family. It also broke my heart in many ways. Since then, with only a brief reprieve, I have been voluntarily homeless believing in simplistic living. Other major things are having been a political activist when I was a teenager, as well as being entirely inspired by another teenager at the time who was also an activist and shared very similar views as I did. Also how he took it further than I would have, as a friend of mine put it he was more of a Malcolm X and I was more of a Dr. M.L.K. Jr. Lastly, being involved in the sex trade industry at age 14 and living in ghettos. My teenage years really showed me what the darker side of society truly was. Only in having become homeless after having been exposed to the ugliness of the world was I able to find virtues in humanity. People say things about me now that they would never have said in the past. Frequently people tell me I’m very kind, they comment on my gentle nature, and only in the past year has anyone, in my entire life, told me I have a nice smile.

On the occasion of clarity and the wonderfully weird things...

 Sometimes, when I'm blue, I lose perspective. I'm trying my best to make note of things when I'm in a better state of mind, these are the things I'd like to remember.

 My week thus far as been nothing short of amazing.
-Sunday (starting at midnight) - m threw me a birthday party, and there was a ball-pit in my bed room. The cake was white, with drippy, blood-like red icing and *MOTHER FUCKING TENTACLES*. Party was followed by fantastic sex, conversation and cuddles with a cute, interesting and non-committal boy. What more could I want? Then a lazy morning, busy day, and wonderfully relaxed evening at said boy's place.

-Monday (starting at midnight) - Sex, conversation, cuddles, video games, Batman and play wrestling. Sleep may have happened. Job interview where I was asked "If the apocalypse occurs, and you're one of three people left, what do you do to the other two?" Who needs a normal circadian rhythm?

-Tuesday - Day one of pre-med! And I nut check one of my classmates. Awesome. We also discuss whether or not Michael Phelps is an alien on an anatomical level.

-Wednesday - Day two of pre-med! And I elbow some girl in the breast. I feel like I'm on the path to a weird reputation. Also, I need to run around and get everything in order for other classes, where I meet Lisa the law student, who was delightful and full of cheer and Becky the business major whose New Year resolution was the let more happiness and beauty into her life.


There's much more, but the point is no matter where I am the crazy follows me. Siting still, running around the country, I just need to remember to accept things are never going to be normal in my life and that's ok because my brand of weird if fucking awesome. Maybe I'll get through my degree and run around adventuring some more with it. Maybe I won't, and I'll pick up again 24/7. Maybe I'll keep down his path of half and half. I'm only as broken as I allow myself to be. Sometimes I tell stories and people look at me like I'm seriously fucked. "What, not everyone dated a coke dealer and gun trafficker? Oh, ya that was just me." No, it wasn't me. It was Miami, and I'm out now.

I met a girl in Walmart

  The Halloween stuff was on sale at Walmart, so of course I was searching through the half off bins. There was a girl rummaging through bins, too. She looked like she was about seventeen, she had long strawberry blonde hair and wore black rimmed glasses. She was there with her mother who was in a wheelchair. She smiled with her whole face.
 
 “Are you Wiccan?” She asked me with a Louisiana accent when her mother wasn’t in earshot. She was referring to my necklace, it was a simple silver pentacle on a black ribbon.

 “I’m Pagan” I replied, suddenly remember I was in Louisiana and probably should have taken it off before going out in public. My Georgia accent was apparent, it’s hard to hide when talking to someone else with a southern accent.

 “That’s really cool” she said with a smile and a nod. “Do you practice dark magic? I’ve been thinking about putting a curse on someone.”

 Her candor caught me of guard. “Why?” was all I could think to say.

 “A drunk driver hit me and my mom and he’s walking free” she answered. “My mom broke her pelvis and I broke this bone” she rubber her left clavicle as she spoke. She wasn’t smiling with her whole face anymore. In fact she wasn’t smiling at all.

 “I broke that bone once” I confessed, “I was attacked when I was younger. I was attacked in the woman’s restroom of a movie theater by a man who was over a foot taller than me, and the police said there wasn’t enough proof to press charges.” Her eyes were wide with interest as she listened to my story. “For a long time I was angry, and I wished him harm for what he did to me. After a while I realized that the best way to get revenge is to live well.”

 “I never knew that,” she said as though I had spoken some undeniable truth of the universe. She relaxed her shoulders and brought her eyebrows closer together making her look very pensive. “The guy that hit us does drugs” she looked me in the eyes as she spoke. “I was 14, he ruined our lives.”

 “There’s no changing what he did, the only control you have is how it affects your future. Show him that he didn’t stop you from having a happy life by living well” I explained. “Someone who drinks and does drugs like that is probably not very happy, why are you going to let someone like that affect the rest of your life?”

 She smiled with her whole face.
 

Running away again.



 Well, here I am typing up my very first post in my brand new super-secret livejournal. It feels like I'm a million miles away from where I was when I posted my first entry in my other account, and yet like I haven't gone anywhere. Right now I'm sitting in a library, watching the clock disdainfully and wishing it to start ticking backwards.


 Maybe this entry should be an introduction to me at my current state rather than what’s actually going on today. Hmmm…


 So it all began on a dreary Louisiana night. Ok, so this time around it began on a dreary Louisiana night. Last time was a slowing Washington, DC day, the time before was a sunny Florida morning. Not the point, but kind of the point. Anyway, dreary Louisiana night. The power was out, as it so often was when it was storming. Two fucking lovely ladies I met a few weeks prior had just helped me move almost all of my belongings into storage and we were hanging out by candle light. I had recently lost my job, and my boyfriend of four years (we’ll call him Bitter-Ex) had moved in with his mother since she said she could get him a job. I was going to pack all our things and move in with them in a few weeks.

 Blah, blah fucking blah. This is going to take forever to tell. So, he dumps me via fucking e-mail. Leaving me homeless and damn near penniless. Nice, huh? After I’d been supporting his unemployed ass for years. Years! Well, I only knew a few people in Louisiana since I’d only been there for about three months and damned if I was living in my car in Louisiana in May. So the wanderlust wins again.

 Now here I sit, in September in Ohio, wondering if this really is a means to an end, or if I’m just telling myself a clever lie. Am I scared, too scared to know it? Sometimes it’s hard to admit, but I think I’ve been on the road my whole life in one way or another. I don’t know if I can stop, or if I want to.

 There’s a boy in Louisville I like, there’s a boy in Cleveland who likes me and both of which make me want to run away. The wind blows west, and I want to wander west. How long can I be alone? There were many hard parts to ending a long relationship, one of which was realizing that it ended a long time before he sent that e-mail. We could hold each other at night, yet I was still alone. There was a boy in Florida who liked me when was still dating Bitter-Ex. He was passionate in a way that Bitter-Ex never was, yet I had to turn him down. Stupid morals and loyalty and shit. He told me I was lucky to have someone in my life I cared so much about, and for an instant I had no idea who he was talking about. When he told me he was referring to my boyfriend, I told him sometimes I think he’s just there so I’m not so alone. I’m a shitty person.

 How do you run away from running away?

  • Current Location
    Ohio